Names have been changed to protect the guilty. The clients, whom we will call Mochi and Clementine, shared a small apartment and one radiator. The radiator had one prime spot, directly in front of the valve, and both cats believed they had arrived first.
The Facts
Mochi claimed to have occupied the spot since October, citing a faint outline of fur on the cover. Clementine claimed the spot had been left vacant and therefore abandoned. Both parties produced witnesses, all of them asleep.
The Arguments
- Mochi argued prior possession and a long record of warmth
- Clementine argued that the radiator was a shared utility
- Mochi countered that sharing was not mentioned in the lease
- Clementine pointed out that neither of them had read the lease
The firm entered into mediation, which meant sitting on both sides of a cushion until someone shifted. After four days, Mochi made a small concession by allowing a tail to pass beyond the line of ownership.
The Ruling
We recommended a time share arrangement. Mochi receives mornings, Clementine receives afternoons, and evenings are open to whoever gets there first with the best posture. A clause was added to prevent either party from pretending to sleep in order to hold the spot.
The agreement was signed, in the legal sense, when both cats sat on it at the same time. The radiator, for its part, has no comment.
Lessons Learned
Most disputes between cats are not about the object but about the principle. A radiator is just a radiator. A radiator that someone else is lying on is a grave injustice.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, we recommend a calm approach. Sit near the other party, avert your eyes, and wait for a moment of weakness.
Afterword
Six weeks later, both cats were found asleep on the same cushion beside the radiator, facing opposite directions with their tails touching. Neither would confirm this was a settlement. The firm is claiming it as one.
This case study is entirely fictional and offered for amusement only.