The quarter has been one of steady rest and remarkable output, at least by the standards of a firm that does most of its work lying down. We are pleased to present the numbers.
Headline Figures
- Total billable naps: 1,214
- Sunbeams successfully defended: 37
- Radiators contested: 5
- Doors opened following formal complaint: 212
- Items knocked off shelves in the public interest: 64
Client Satisfaction
Our satisfaction survey was returned by eleven clients, nine of whom walked across the form. We choose to count this as positive feedback. Two clients wrote in to say that we had not responded to their message, which we treat as a compliment to our calm.
Challenges
The principal challenge this quarter was the arrival of a new vacuum cleaner at one of our client homes. The firm responded by relocating to the top of a wardrobe, where proceedings continued undisturbed. We also lost approximately four days to a rumour about a box.
Opportunities
We see growth in the area of window perches, an emerging market, and in the use of laptops as heated meeting rooms. We also plan to enter the field of cushion law, where the stakes are small and the cushions are many.
Staffing
Pudding, Esq., joined in the spring and has already billed a record number of naps. Senior Partner Biscuit Pennington took a brief sabbatical, which he spent in the sun and which he has since entered as research.
Outlook
We expect the next quarter to be quieter, which we define as louder in places that don’t matter. We remain committed to our mission: fierce advocacy for the sunniest spot in the house.
Next Steps
Clients who wish to engage the firm may contact us by sitting near the front door of the office. A receptionist will arrive, eventually, and offer a polite sniff. Please be patient, as the receptionist is a very small kitten and the door is rather heavy.
These figures are invented. No actual naps were audited, though several were observed.