Clients often ask us what makes a sunbeam theirs. The answer is simple and has never been tested in a court that wasn’t also asleep. Whoever is lying in the beam when the beam is at its warmest holds title until the beam moves. This is known at the firm as the Doctrine of Present Warmth.
The Three Elements of Possession
First, the claimant must be physically on the patch. Leaning toward it from a nearby chair does not count, although we have argued otherwise in three separate matters. Second, the claimant must show intent, which is usually established by a slow blink and a small sigh. Third, the claimant must be visibly unbothered by anyone asking them to move.
- Presence: the whole torso must be in the light, tail optional
- Intent: a sigh of at least two seconds
- Indifference: ears rotated away from the complainant
What Happens When the Beam Moves
Title does not move with the light. This is the most common misunderstanding we see. When a beam migrates eleven inches to the left, the former holder has a reasonable window of about forty minutes to relocate. After that, the new patch is considered open ground, and anyone may walk onto it, circle three times, and declare it theirs.
Our founding partner, Bartholomew Whiskerton III, once held a single patch of carpet for six consecutive hours by the simple method of refusing to understand the question. We do not recommend this to beginners, but we do bill for it.
Practical Guidance
If you find a human sitting in your sunbeam, do not escalate. Walk across the newspaper, knead the lap, and make eye contact. In nearly every case the human relocates within ninety seconds and the matter is closed without paperwork.
If the human refuses, contact our office. Our associates will arrive, sit near the door, and stare in a manner that has been described as procedurally exhausting. Most disputes resolve before the first meow.
“The law is the law, but the warmth is better.” Bartholomew Whiskerton III, from a nap, undated.
This article is a parody and not legal advice. Please consult a real professional about anything that matters, and consult a cat about everything that doesn’t.